With Hearts and Wrists Intact
by SoHideYourEyes
Summary: Uchiha Sasuke makes a bet with Nara Shikamaru that he can sleep with the feisty Yamanaka Ino before winter break. For this he devises a foolproof strategy – enlist the help of Ino's reluctant roommate, Haruno Sakura. Total lack of decency abounds.
1. Last Year's Wishes

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto it wouldn't have gone down like that, trust me.

Notes: Pairings will revolve among Sasuke, Shikamaru, Ino and Sakura.

* * *

 **With Hearts and Wrists Intact**

 _The best way to make it through_  
 _With hearts and wrists intact_  
 _Is to realize_  
 _Two out of three ain't bad_

Of all the classrooms in all of the college campuses in the world, she had to walk into his.

She was a leggy blonde with intriguing cerulean eyes. She wore very little make up - nothing too dramatic, just a smack of cheek blush here and a dab of lip gloss there – then again, she hardly needed the stuff. Dressed in a purple halter top, white miniskirt and strappy wedges, she looked like a model right out of a summer fashion lookbook. Her golden hair fell elegantly down her back, sidebangs perfectly framing her face.

If Uchiha Sasuke had even just an ounce of the poetic-ness that his older brother Itachi was full of, he would have said that she was beautiful. But Sasuke wasn't Itachi, so he turned to Shikamaru and Naruto and whispered, "Look at that piece of ass."

Of all the things in the world that he could have said. But he couldn't take it back, so it lingered in the air for a moment before Naruto burst into a grin and Shikamaru muttered something that sounded very much like "Troublesome".

Ah, Uzumaki Naruto and Nara Shikamaru. The hyperactive class clown and the lazy ass genius who for some reason ended up being best friends with the chick-magnet broseph. You might as well ask how a lion, a sloth and a chimp can be part of the same pack in an African savannah. Hey, just because someone asked the question doesn't mean somebody can actually give a sure (sane) answer.

"She's pretty," Shikamaru conceded with a half-hearted shrug. "But aren't you past the cheerleader phase?"

"We don't even know that she's one." Sasuke pointed out.

"…She's just the type."

And the Uchiha didn't argue because he himself knew that Blondie there was a cheerleader alright. He had fucked enough cheerleaders to know one when he saw one.

Sasuke was, and not only according to his mother, a very good looking guy. Tall, confident, handsome – the homecoming king type. And of course he had been homecoming king. At Konoha Academy, their old school, he didn't even need to wear a crown. He fucked Kin the prom queen in the back of the BMW that he borrowed from his dear brother Itachi (If the man only knew what took place in his car, he would have, in all of his obsessive-compulsive glory, locked Sasuke in the ride and burned it down the ground), then dumped her the very next day and in the middle of a crowded hallway to boot. He was high-fived by the guys and the girls swooned. Why does everyone secretly hate the prom queen?

"Well, what were you hoping to upgrade to in college?" Naruto asked, mischief sparkling in the whiskered blond's wide blue eyes.

"I don't know. Anyone who isn't as bonkers as that last girl you dated, what with stalking us after the break-up and all that." Shikamaru said with a finality.

Sasuke smirked. His latest ex, Karin, turned out to be a nutcase and a restraining order was needed to get her to leave Sasuke alone. She turned to harassing Shikamaru and Naruto to know what Sasuke was up to, and then psychiatric confinement was needed to get her off the two.

You'd think he'd be a little more careful about girls after that, but the thing is... not really. What are the chances that a cheerleader-type freshman attending a literature class at Shimura University would end up becoming a psycho-stalker? And if she does, well, with a body like that, it would be worth the risk.

Before Naruto or Shikamaru could put another word in, he stood up and moved down the row, closing the distance between him and his blonde beauty. She was alone, but it seemed like she was waiting for someone because she put her bag on the seat to her left to save it. She proceeded to take a notebook out and began to copy what looked like her class schedule into it.

He sat on the chair to her right. She didn't notice, or at maybe she pretended not to.

"Hey," Sasuke said.

"Hi," she replied without even looking up.

"Whacha doing?" he continued.

"Blind?"

Sasuke was surprised. Oh, this one was feisty.

"You know, there's a theory in psychology that says you can tell a person's attitude from his handwriting."

She didn't appear very interested. "Really."

"Yeah. See here, there's a slight curve at the end of the last letter in each word." Sasuke said, pointing at her penmanship. "It means you're that type of person who likes to play snobbish and out-of-your-league and what not, but you'll take a good time when you can get it."

"Wow. So can I suck your dick now?"

He was taken aback, not expecting that answer. "What?"

"Well, that's how most of these things go, right?" She said, finally looking up, "Small talk, blowjob. Sometimes in reverse. That's what you're used to, isn't it?"

"Hardly. Why? Is it like that for you?"

She rolled her eyes. She looked so pretty rolling those blue-green eyes.

And then the obligatory BFF approached.

She was a short-haired pinkette with cool, sea-green eyes that Sasuke would've described as stunning if they didn't have that all-too-serious look in them. She wasn't model-gorgeous like her friend – probably because she looked like she didn't make an effort to fix herself up at all, pairing a simple skater dress with sneakers and wearing no make-up at all – but she gave off an impression of intelligence and strength. He could even say she was pretty, in a casual sort of way.

"Hey, Ino," the girl said.

The blonde looked relieved at Pinky's arrival, immediately retrieving her things from the chair she saved so that her friend could sit on it.

"Ino? Hey, Ino," Sasuke said, turning back to the gorgeous girl whose name he now knew.

Pinky raised her eyebrow and smiled in a strangely sly way.

"Bye, Dick." Ino waved off, not even looking at him.

"Actually it's Sasuke."

He smiled at her for the last time and then slowly walked away, his hands balled inside his pockets. When he reached his seat, Naruto was staring at him with a megawatt grin which annoyed the hell out of him.

"Shot. Down." The blond emoted triumphantly, fist pumping dramatically to the air. Even Shikamaru couldn't help but snicker.

"Shut up," Sasuke retorted, flipping the Uzumaki off as he settled back into his seat.

"It's all right," Naruto consoled sarcastically. "Even the great Uchiha Sasuke has to be shot down sometimes, huh?."

"You know, Naruto, if I remember correctly, I just told you to shut up."

"Tsk tsk, your memory must be a little fuzzy after the beat down you just received."

A beat down. It was, after all, just a game. Thinking of it that way made Sasuke feel better, though the thought stuck in his head for the remainder of the class, a boring lecture on Beowulf or Roland or someone else that he couldn't bring himself to care about.

Aenid, Iliad, Gilgamesh. It was all the same to Sasuke. He scoffed at literature - it was pointless. All that mattered in the world, he'd been told all his life, was what people thought of you. That was his father's philosophy.

The Uchiha clan was an old blood family of Konoha. Ancestorland roots, but his great-great-greatgrandparents settled in the Leaf three centuries or so ago, and entrenched themselves deep in the land. Now Sasuke's father Fugaku was state senator - a lawyer by profession, a family man by choice. Or at least that's how his campaign painted him to be.

Fugaku wanted his youngest son to go to Shimura University, just like Sasuke's older brother Itachi, who collected big shiny medals that Sasuke had taken the liberty of hanging on the Christmas tree just the other year. When told that Sasuke's 'accomplishments' weren't anywhere near enough to guarantee acceptance (his GPA being a pitiful 2.35), the university board immediately received a visit from Senator Uchiha, and two days later Sasuke had a confirmed slot in the next freshman class.

His SAT was actually 2360 – second in his class to only Shikamaru the genius - but he never really told anyone about that. It was just another part of an inexplicable life. Sasuke bragged about getting 1650 the first time. After all, he had a heavy hangover on the morning of the test. The second time, he entirely fumbled the last section. 2070. On the third try, he forgot his calculator at home. 2360.

He thought comically about all the teenagers in the world who would kill for his score. Oh, he would gladly trade places with them. His greatest fear in the world was making his father proud, lest the respectable senator turn him into what he had turned Itachi into – a perfect, boring son groomed to follow his father's footsteps in public office.

When he was back in his dorm room, invested in a video game with Naruto while Shikamaru laid idly on his bed, a thought suddenly came to him.

"She's too proud."

Naruto looked up from his console and turned to his dark-haired friend. "What?"

"That Ino chick. She's too proud."

"Really, Sasuke, you're still can't let that go?" Shikamaru griped from his bed.

"Look, the reason why she was such a bitch is that she's never had to be nice. Things just fall into her lap since she's hot."

"I didn't ask."

"You have to treat queens like whores, Nara."

"Well thanks for that bit of wisdom, but again, I didn't ask."

And he didn't really care about what Shikamaru was saying. "I'll get her. Ino. You'll see."

"Right –" Naruto scoffed. The blond knew all about Sasuke's a glorious history of being chased by women… but that girl? She really looked like she didn't give a damn. "And while you're at it, maybe you could also discover the cure for cancer, since the chances of you doing either of those things is exactly zero."

"Sure, I'll put it on my to-do list. Between sky-diving and flossing and - you know-"

"Dating Mei Terumi?"

"Oh!" Sasuke fake-gasped. "Gotta add that. Maybe after I'm done with Ino."

He was surprised to see Shikamaru sit up, look at him straight in the eye and sigh again. "You really want to talk about Ino? Fine. Listen, Sasuke, you have a better chance with Mei Terumi than this Ino girl. She totally blew you off."

"She did not."

"She did."

And then… something clicked in Sasuke's head. Something that gave him a purpose, something that gave him a reason to start a chase.

"Tell you what. I'll bet you a grand that I'll get her."

Shikamaru frowned. "What?"

"I said, I'll bet you a thousand bucks that I'll get her."

"I don't need your money."

"Well, what do you want?"

Naruto shook his head in disbelief. "Are you two seriously betting on sleeping with a girl? What is this, a 90's chick flick?"

But it was as if his two friends never heard him.

"I want a breather." Shikamaru drawled. "At least three months of peace and quiet without me and Naruto getting dragged into whatever crazy stuff you get yourself into with all those girls after breaking up. Which can only be done – if you lay off chasing girls in the first place."

Sasuke laid his own gaming console down the table, turning to Shikamaru with an expression of solemnity that matched the Pineapplehead's. "Fine then. I bet you that I'll plow her before winter break. If I win… well, if I win then I'd already have fucked her which is the main goal here, but let's just throw in a month's worth of Friday bar crawls with you footing the tab. If I lose, I'm not going to check out, ask or talk about girls for three whole months just like you want."

"Did you just say three whole months?" Naruto gasped. Hell, it had just been six weeks since Karin -

Shikamaru tilted his head, taking a moment to consider. If he won, it would mean at least a three months of peace. If he lost, maybe he'd have spend five hundred bucks on a bar crawl once a week for a month.

He liked his chances.

"Fine."

"We got a deal then?"

"Just one condition: she has to be sober."

Sasuke grinned. "You underestimate me, my friend."

* * *

End note: If you have a moment, please review and tell me what you think. :)


	2. This Year's Apologies

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sasuke wouldn't be so broody.

Special thanks to: **Smartasswolf23,** **Deathrosekitty, LOVESRAIN** and the three guests for your reviews. It's been six years since I last wrote fanfiction and your comments really made me happy. Thanks to everyone who favorited and alerted too.

* * *

 **With Hearts and Wrists Intact**

 _The best way to make it through_  
 _With hearts and wrists intact_  
 _Is to realize_  
 _Two out of three ain't bad_

Twenty six.

It was the exact number of girls that Sasuke had dated (where dated equals fucked) in his entire four years in high school. Of this number, twenty six were gorgeous like Ino, twelve were cheerleaders like Ino, ten were blonde like Ino and three had told him to get lost the second he breathed the same air they did, just like Ino.

He had dated enough girls like her and needless to say Sasuke had Ino all figured out. He might as well chop his own balls off if he gave her flowers or chocolates or whatever other romantic shit. She was used to being chased and Sasuke had never been a beg-and-grovel kind of guy to begin with.

What gorgeous girls like Ino were NOT used to was being ignored. And if Sasuke wanted to get Ino's attention, then that was exactly what he needed to do. The problem was, unless he managed to get close enough to her, she would never notice that he was ignoring her. So he needed to get close _and_ get noticed _but_ he needed to do both without paying Ino any attention.

Which was even more complicated than it already sounded.

"Have you guys figured out problem number four?" Naruto suddenly asked, snapping Sasuke back into reality. The trio were in one of the on-campus cafes on a lazy Wednesday afternoon trying to solve their Calculus homework - well, actually, only one of them was still trying to solve the goddamned problem sets. Shikamaru figured the answers out an hour ago and Sasuke couldn't be bothered to think about anything other than the blonde bombshell who'd shot him down.

The genius shrugged and handed Naruto his work sheet.

"Of course you're done with everything." Naruto said with his trademark grin. "But hey, can you kinda explain how you got this from…"

Sasuke leaned back while the Nara lazily obliged the Uzumaki's request for an elaboration. He'd copy the answers later - right now he just wanted to enjoy his $5 iced latte and relax.

He still hadn't figured out what to do about Ino and three months of his own sanity was on the line in this bet, but he wasn't very worried. Like all the problems that occasionally sprouted in his just-a-little-less-than perfect life, he was sure that the solution would magically pop out of nowhere so he didn't need to sweat it. Early enough in Sasuke's life he'd realized that while he didn't have Shikamaru's 200+ IQ, he was pretty smart himself, and that, coupled with the fact that his last name was Uchiha and he inherited his mother's stunningly good looks, meant that he was always going to be lucky in life. He got into Shimura with a 2.35 GPA for crying out loud, getting Ino can't be much harder than that.

And as if heaven was backing him all the way up, the door chimes sounded as the answer to Sasuke's current problem entered the cafe and slipped behind the counter in three strides.

It was Ino's pink-haired friend. Apparently she worked there.

Sasuke smirked to himself before rising from his seat and casually telling his friends that he was going to buy a muffin. He walked towards the counter wearing a very bright smile.

"Hi, what would you like to -" the girl began. She dropped the obviously fake chirpy voice when she recognized him. "Oh. It's you."

"I'm flattered that you remembered." Sasuke replied, trying to sound as friendly as possible.

"Of course. It's kind of hard to forget that look on your face when Ino shot you down, you know. Has anyone ever told you that you look like a sooky koala?"

"Yes, some antisocial bitch just told me. I don't think the antisocial bitch's boss would appreciate his employees calling precious paying customers sooky koalas, would he?"

She glared at him. "What do you want?"

"Right now? A Ferrari Berlinetta would be nice. So would a weekend in a Kumo strip club. But given that those two aren't among the options, I'll settle for your name."

"What?"

"Your name." Sasuke repeated. "What's your name?"

The girl pursed her lips and hesitated for a moment. "…Sakura. Haruno Sakura."

Sasuke smiled smugly. "See, we're doing so much better already. Hello, Sakura, I'm Uchiha Sasuke. So listen, I kinda need –"

"Wait, Uchiha?"

"Yes. Moving on, I -"

"As in you're related to Uchiha Fugaku, the senator?"

"He contributed the Y chromosomes that led to the creation of the glorious specimen in front of you. Are you satisfied now? So as I was saying –"

She folded her arms across her (rather flat) chest and huffed. "Oh, so Senator Uchiha's son is here. Is that why Shimura's getting a new lecture hall next year?"

"Do you have a problem with lecture halls?" Sasuke replied coolly.

"No. But I have a problem with the fact that I busted my back in high school so I could get into this university and now I have to bust my back to afford to stay in it. And you," she glared at him even harder, "You just waltz your way into Shimura because your dad is donating a pretty new building!"

Sasuke suppressed the urge to snort. Fine, so the solution to the problem of how he would get into Shimura with his horrendous GPA wasn't really as magical as the Uchiha family's bank account, but hey, it's not his fault if he happened to be born into a ridiculously loaded family. And if his senator of a father wanted to take politics beyond the government, then Sasuke certainly didn't have a problem with that.

"Wow, Pinky, I feel so bad for you." he answered sarcastically, still smiling.

"Save it, jackass. I don't want your pity and I don't need it."

"Is your pillow talk always this charming?"

"If you're not going to buy anything, get out of my face."

"Relax, I intend to buy something, alright."

"What do you want?"

Finally, Sasuke thought. It was really getting hard to play nice. "I need you to help me get Ino."

She rolled her eyes. "Is that a joke? Where's the punch line, buddy?"

"I'm not kidding. I want Ino, and I need you to help me get her."

Sakura was quiet for a moment.

And then she burst out laughing.

"You want Ino and you want me to help you get it on with her?"

"I have a few other particular things in mind, but you get the general idea."

"Yeah, right. Like I would ever help some douchey clan brat come onto my roomate."

"Chill out, Pinky. I told you that I intend to buy something, right? Well I'm not asking you to help me as a favor. I'll pay you."

She took a cloth and began wiping the counter. "You know what, take your money and shove it up your ass. Just because you bought your way into Shimura doesn't mean you can buy your way into everything else."

"Here's a hint, sweat pea. The only people who say that money can't buy everything are the people who never had any."

"Go away, Uchiha. Jump off a cliff and make the world a better place."

"Kaching, kaching, did I hear you say 'how much'?"

"No, you heard me say 'Go fuck yourself'."

"One thousand dollars."

She stopped wiping.

"What's that, do I finally have somebody's attention?" Sasuke teased.

She almost flung the rag cloth into his face. "You're an ass."

"Fair enough, but I'm an ass with a thousand dollars and that's more than what I can say about you."

"How dare you – "

"Spare me the moral superiority, Pinky." The Uchiha didn't even let her finish. "You're cleaning counters right here, and I'll wager that it's not because you're bored and have nothing else to do. Now you can either keep whatever pride you derive from being a bitch to… how did you put it… _douchey clan brats_ like me - which is not going to get you anywhere, by the way – or you could be a practical, reasonable, perfectly helpful girl and get a thousand bucks just for letting me hang around you and by extension, Ino."

Sakura's arms dropped sharply to her sides, her hands balling into clenched fists.

She should've given the bastard what was coming to him, should've punched at least three of those pearly white teeth out of that arrogant mouth.

But the thing was… she could really use the money.

Unlike most students at Shimura University who were born to at least affluent families if not old, influential clans like the Uchiha, Uzumaki, Nara or Yamanaka, Haruno Sakura came from a pleasantly normal middle-class background. Her family tree sprouted no politicians, military generals or multi-million dollar company CEO's – and that was fine, really, because despite the fact that the Haruno's did not roll in mountains of money, they were a happy little family who got by just fine. Kizashi was a firefighter and Mebuki was a middle school teacher, and they taught their only child the importance of having goals and working hard to achieve them, a lesson that Sakura took to heart and carried with her her entire life.

She was proud of the fact that she got into one of the most selective universities in the country through her own merit, in contrast to many of her classmates who needed the hooks of their family connections or bank accounts to get in. Her achievements even got her an academic scholarship that took care of the titanic $45,000 tuition fee, as well as the cost of in-campus housing and other school expenses. But there were still other bills that she needed to take care of, like food and school supplies and the general cost of living in Konoha, which was not by any means cheap. Sakura would never allow her parents to dip into their nest egg to dole money out to her, and it was for those bills that she decided to get this café server job.

It was also those same bills that made her stand there in silence instead of bitch slapping that asshole Sasuke.

"How much do they pay you for this job? Nine dollars an -"

"Shut up." Sakura said. Her voice sounded strained.

Sasuke stared at her expectantly, the cocky smile still plastered on his face.

The pinkette swallowed. This was Ino, her friend, that they were talking about - she couldn't – shouldn't – sell her our just like that.

But then again, they were talking about a thousand dollars.

That money would go a long way – books for the entire semester, three, maybe four months' worth of food, or maybe a new laptop when her old one gave out, which she guessed was going to happen sooner than later. How many people were paid one thousand dollars simply to play bridge between some rich (but admittedly handsome) spoiled brat and the pretty girl he wanted?

Sakura bit her lip as she felt her resolve soften. Maybe Sasuke just liked Ino. Maybe the bastard just liked her so much that he would do anything to go out with her. Maybe he just really, really liked Ino. And if that was the case, then why not? They were both good-looking people from families that swam in money – who knows, maybe some of Ino's decency would rub off Sasuke. Maybe they'd actually make a good match.

God, she hated it. She knew she was making excuses, and she hated it. This went against everything she'd stood for all her life, and she should really just turn around right at this moment and walk away…

But instead, she took one final deep breath before jumping onto the train to hell.

"You have to pay me upfront. In cash."

Sasuke smirked. "You'll be paid when I get Ino."

"Upfront." she said firmly.

He shrugged and reached for his wallet. Sakura felt ashamed as she watched him pull out five one hundred dollar bills and placed them on the counter in front of her.

"Half now, half when I get Ino."

Sasuke winked at her and walked back to his table.

Sakura looked at the money on the counter. She truly felt awful about selling Ino out like that, and for a moment even considered running after Sasuke and throwing his money back to his smug face. Even though they'd known each other for only a while, Ino had been really nice to her, and she didn't deserve this.

But still, one thousand dollars was one thousand dollars. Dignity and integrity didn't pay for books and food. But money did.

 _I promise I will make this up to you one day, Ino. I promise._

Glancing at her boss to make sure that he wasn't looking at her, Sakura took the money and hurriedly slipped it into her pocket.

"Took you long enough." Naruto said when Sasuke came back. "Where's your muffin?"

Sasuke looked down on his empty hands. The muffin. Right. He totally forgot.

Shikamaru glanced at the counter and saw Sakura, who had began rearranging the tray of brownies on display. He turned to look back at Sasuke with an incredulous expression.

"Please don't tell me you left to flirt with that girl."

"What? No."

"Seriously, Sasuke. She looks like she's a decent person who doesn't deserve to be dragged down to tell with you."

"Chill, Nara. She's yours if you want her. If I'm going to flirt with anyone, it's going to be with Ino. The bet is on, remember?"

Shikamaru sighed. He knew that look on Sasuke's face – that look that meant he just got something he wanted. He had no idea what could've happened between Sasuke and Ino's pink-haired friend, but whatever it was, it got Sasuke something he wanted.

The genius took a sip of his own iced coffee. All this time he never thought he had to lift a finger to win the bet, because if what happened a few days ago was any indication, it seriously looked like Ino never going to give Sasuke the time of the day. But now Sasuke was making a move, and Shikamaru suddenly wasn't so sure. The guy was smug, alright, but he was also smart.

He could only hope that Ino was smarter.

(Or maybe, just maybe… Shikamaru had to make his own move after all.)

* * *

1\. To those who are asking about the pairings, I can't tell you the final ones yet but there will be a good mix of moments between Sasuke, Shikamaru, Ino and Sakura. I hope you don't get turned off by Sasuke's cockiness - he's been a royal asshole in the first two chapters, but I can tell you that he will get better as the story progresses. Although the next chapter will be more focused on Shikamaru and Ino.

2\. Deathrosekitty suggested Ino meeting Itachi and crushing on him. Any other things you guys want to see? I can't guarantee that I can make it happen, but if the idea is crazy enough and still doable for me, I'll go for it.


End file.
